Hello. Thank you for writing to us. Here are some thoughts for your consideration.
First, we are very relieved to read that you are aware that homosexuality is forbidden in Islam and that you want to change. We appreciate that you took the effort to reach out to us to seek help. Allah Most High has endowed human beings with the ability to experience sexual stimulation within the framework of marriage where they can enjoy fulfillment of their sexual desires. Starting from puberty, young people become aware of their sexuality with the onset of new experiences such as wet dreams. There is great emphasis in Islam on maintaining one’s chastity before marriage because Satan works overtime to tempt young people to give in to their desires.
As a young Muslim, you should have the goal now to turn back to Allah, to repent to Allah, and to seek forgiveness from Allah. None of this can happen, of course, unless you understand a little more about yourself and your own sexuality.
Second,you are not gay andinsha’ Allahwith Allah’s help and guidance, you will return to the straight path. For youth who remain chaste and righteous, the process of coming of age is sinless and smooth. Unfortunately, for youth who fall victim to Satan’s whispering, the process of coming of age is marred with sinful detours. For example, you note that you look at “bad pictures,” a habit which is becoming “addictive,” and then you masturbate. We are not sure if those pictures are of women or men, and it does not really matter, but it is a sin to allow your eyes to look at forbidden pictures. The more you look at such pictures, the more stimulated you will become and you will need some outlet to release all of your sexual frustration.
Depending on one’s personality, various factors could arouse one sexually. We are not sure how or why you felt aroused by having thoughts of men. You write that you “feel something strong towards the same gender” because you mostly grew up around your sisters. We do not believe this to be the case. On the other hand, it is possible that you are attempting to rationalize your feelings. There might have been one reason or the other for why you felt some attraction towards men, but knowing that it is forbidden should be enough reason to stop yourself from lingering on with such feelings. If you are looking at pictures of men, becoming stimulated, and then masturbating, you are literally convincing yourself that you are turning gay. Your main goal at this point should be to get rid of any and all access to materials that are sinful and that would arouse you sexually. Cleanse yourself physically as well as spiritually by repenting to Allah and begging Allah for His forgiveness and mercy.
Finally,your whole life is ahead of you and you need to focus on how you can make the most of it in service to Allah. The reality is that your sexual desires have been awakened and you have experienced sexual satisfaction through masturbation. At this point, you can choose to become a slave to your lower desires and continue to delude yourself that you are gay, or you can repent and repair your relationship with Allah. The choice is obvious because,al-hamdulillah, you have taken the initiative to write to us yourself and to seek help on how to change. With your efforts at ridding your life of any sexual stimuli, and yourdu`aa’to Allah Most High,insha’ Allah, you will find great enjoyment in leading a chaste life. Make lots ofdu`aa’to Allah for assistance, pray regularly, fast voluntarily, and spend your time learning more about Islam and being around friends who are righteous.
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